so touched n happy to have ur comments, Ardy... but i hav diff opinion on "loving" n "liking"
i stil think tat human need this type of "instinct", sometimes we can't own something doesn't mean that the "something" shouldn't exist, some ppl "love" to live, some live to "love".. well, im not tat professional at this too.. hehe.. can't comment much

anyway, it's jus totally torturing...

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k, back to my POST for today...

umm... jus abit sad at the beginning but kinda try to pretend not sad.. i mean .. haiz, skip the story, the end is, "being rejected sometimes no matter who that person is, can make you feel totally bad"...

numorous time being rejected n "put aeroplane", may be this is the nature of human, or, the world is like this, it made me feel tired with this world...

ingnorance, rejection n "bein put aeroplane" are words i use when the God wanna reject you or stop you from doing something, this is my opinion, at some point, if someone really serious with this issue, they will think, "damn, why take such a long time to reject me, don't use that excuse, ever, again please.." n the misunderstanding arises... Another type of person, "it's really ok, may b he or she really got something to do, even not, jus assume his or her excuse is a real reason for rejecting.. nvm..."
well, which person are you?
Me, knowing how to analyse the difference (hehe....) sure standing between these 2 roles, now that, makes life so painful...

In this case, well, have u ever played "Maze" in your lifetime, if you don't skip this paragraph pls...
I believe that there are lot of different ways to come out of the maze, or, to save someone... People love to get inside n get out of that maze fast, w/o much thinking, but well, if you truly enjoy n appreciate that maze, that maze can use up your time for hours...... umm, not really in reality but in this case for example, i like to analyse the whole maze and look at every corner n way that maze could lead to, well, that somehow, can trap me n make me really frustrated for long, but once i found the way out, i won't be scare again if i get into that maze again, cuz i'm already familiar with that pattern, but hey, if you are to solve trillions n billions of maze, how long should you live to solve all of them? That makes my life painful since i LOVE to think a lot with just a little thing...

ahh... m b tat example doesn't explain, anyway, it makes me feel better now...

I finally made up my mind not to join anyone to anywhere anymore, i mean friends.. cuz i really hate "aeroplane" between human bonds, or should say why starightforward thing can be so complicated sometimes? I just don't want and totally hate the interaction between human becomes soooo complicated... well, this is what i persist... even though it's really normal for someone bein put aeroplane for uncountable times, i just hate it when i feel the aeroplane anymore for the second time, so.. no more out...

actually i made a mistake .. hehe... i should have said, dun wan to be such stupid bein initiative to ask ppl out anymore...
may b lyk wat yikcai said last year, i m really bad at organizing thing, or holding some events or wat, so.. yea , now that i agree...

7 sms, merely 7 sms, but that really cost me lot of money n time n feel.... 7 sms then ends up even bad than no sms, you think worth it? na.... totally... no .. plus, it's 012 to 016, worse.......

may be i was right, im those guy that should be isolated n cannot have any friends, tat can make me and ppl in the whole world feel better... it's just that i thought i should change my opinion last year so i decided to change, but now... i should go back to the starting-point n should never come back...

Years before, i insist that even the world has no one left, i still can live, cuz i don't need friends, that's me, may b "Aaron" , the double-A makes me feel so special n self-centered plus obnoxious .... dunno... that feelin comes back now...

umm.. sorry ah (to myself) ... dunno since when that i started to contradict my own "theme" in this blog --- "What's a blog? Place to release? Think again." .. hehe... gonna change soon...

Anyway, if you know me better, i somehow is so special, i can be as lame as useless as a drunken man but sometimes can be so energetic .. ahh... jus "odd" instead of special huh?

so... it makes me feel better, pen-off.

sometime i also dunno wat i've done is right or wrong, bein a human really complicated... the bond between people is not just like single bond or double bond tat kind, it's really a lot more than tat... jus lyk the mysterious benzene ring.

i really don't like ppl relating me to another gal la, i mean it's not even real ma, y u all still wanna make it so real? i jus wanna declare tat in my heart, everyone is jus lyk tat, i din really especially love someone la,k? so, dun call me with that nickname la... 

i dun like to especially LIKE someone, or wat u call "love" la, cuz it's really sufferin' for ppl like me to LIKE someone... u thought im so perfect enough 4 somebody to love me meh...

i'm really tired with this topic, really... may be these lot of things made me become so bizzare till i can like boys n gals at the same time, seems lyk bisexual liao tim...

well, i really dunno wat's fren for from long time ago til las year... i now startin to know very bit about wat's fren. So, for a guy lyk this, i think it's really normal for me to like everybody... even u jus say some encouraging words or do something especially for me, even jus a little some some, i really will treat you so gd til i oso dunno is that called "LIKE"... o.. so hard to describe my feelin... so, i really love to treat people so great, but please, don't treat me so good, cuz u really will make me confuse whether i really LIKE you...

k? both boys n gals, got me? mmm....

so.. now i really wanna tell you all, i currently don't have any dui4 xiang4 yet to LIKE, really, n i hope tat wil last forever, cuz dude, for some ppl like me, it's just impossible for someone to LIKE me la... so, wat i can do now is really hardworkin next few months, then leave this Malaysia quickly, to some strange place to restart my life...

I don't know what's right or wrong,
loving you is hard, 
may be the affection is so dull, 
or perhaps,
an act of stupid.

I can't stop the image of you swaying, swinging in my mind,
the feeling is so special,
I can live without you,
I can go to a new place,
without you,
perhaps,
I can live stronger or happier
staring at your name for long and I never dare
to just say "hi"

For me, you are so special,
i know it's a surprise for you,
and i know that you are belong to someone else,
i'm weak to fight for you
living life day to day,
i know you are sad,
though you smiley face.

it's really hard when you want something that already belong to someone,
or i should say
thing that so many people desire for
in front of you,
i'm so small,
a coward
that don't dare to tell how i feel about you

having you sitting beside me,
we laugh together,
chat together,
listening to you and watching you is truly my time of happiness
i never feel bored beside you, 
it's you that changed me
and only you that can cause such a big conflict in my heart

that day watching you suffering on the floor made everything stopped in front of me
for the first time that i hear you scream
i could feel your pain
but i don't know what i could do
to help you
to get you out of that pain
i swear that i don't know you well
but i truly do care about you
one day perhaps,
you'll live your day as everyone else
no more evil in your eyes nor pain
but happiness and healthy

so many people around me could feel my affection for you
they encouraged
pray for us,
but i never dare to step forward
cause i know
you will never accept me
no matter how many songs that fill my mind
none of them can replace you in my heart
every single thing that you do for me
i will never forget

is that called love?
it's a painkiller.
the barrier between us
blocked us moving further
how i wish i could turn the time backward
and tell you that i love you
just how i feel about you
perhaps after that i'll never get to see you again
but at least
i tried.

i'm living a dull life,
a life that's colourless
because of you
made my life monochromic
a post can't post all my feeling about you
but believe me
sometimes
a fullstop " . " is what i wish to end my life

getting more and more occasional that i get to see you
sometimes jus click on your name 
and saw your happy face
no matter who's around you
it's already enough for me

i jus hope that you will keep your smile and never cry again

your happy day is coming
and i wish you happy birthday