i wanna kill, stop, continue, go, forget, restart n 'shut down'

it's too hard for me to do it, lot of time wasted though, with no outcome...now, i mean...

both of them r too...... &*^^&%* for me,

i can ony choose one...

even i choose two, i think it's ok...

but the matter is,

my brain can stuck at one time now n staring at things for long time, wondering, scared n afraid...

all are like painkillers for me now, all of them, easing my pain as wat u saw, but bringin the evil, irreversible side effect...

I'll stop usin painkillers perhaps, but, still lookin for something, which is more exciting, advancing, for me to experience...

i hate them...